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From the monthly archives:

December 2005

Augmentin Online Without Prescription, Ya know, after living through my share of holiday seasons, I've come to realize that there are two ways people enjoy Christmas. You can either enjoy Christmas as a participant, or you can play the part of the observer. The former is the preferred stance of snot-nosed kids everywhere, and the latter is the route chosen by us boring adults. Lasix No Prescription, Despite the differing roles on Christmas, I would argue that neither is necessarily a "better" way to enjoy the holiday - both can be equally entertaining, as I'll illustrate below.

Since I'm officially old and boring (at least as far as Christmas is concerned), I've become an observer. Playing this role, however, has huge perks:

  • First, my fate is no longer tied to whether or not I got the new Micro Machine city-in-a-box that I really wanted
  • Second, I get to be this sadistic puppeteer - I give a kid or a dog a cool gift, and I get to watch them go to town on it like nothing else matters.

Now, if you've been reading me for any length of time, you know that I love me some doggies, augmentin Online Without Prescription. It stands to reason, Discount ampicillin No Rx, then, that I'd find the most enjoyment from giving my dogs gifts and watching them tear into 'em. Does anyone else think it's insanely cute when you give a dog something as a gift and they know it's just for them. It's the best thing ever. Zocor No Prescription, Thanks to this, I now get my sadist holiday kicks by giving gifts to dogs. This is what playing the role of the observer is all about. Now, I'll step aside and let Jezebel, my mom's Jack Russell Terrier, lotrisone No Prescription, take center stage.

.

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Discount crestor No Rx, When I first got into blogging, I never realized what a challenge it was to come up with good content on a consistent basis. In order to crank out truly memorable articles or even to come up with things that will strike a chord with your readers, you've really got to be on your toes - you need to train yourself to seize the blog moment.

Sounds easy enough, right. Like a lot of things, this is something that turns out to be much tougher in practice, at least until you really get the hang of it. Today marks the 38th day that I've been running this site, and I will freely admit that I'm nowhere near being seamlessly connected with my inner blog...at least not like this chick or this guy. Seizing the blog moment requires a keen sort of awareness, but I think those who do it best would argue that it's really pretty simple, Discount crestor No Rx.

Two weekends ago, my dog dropped a mouse on my kitchen floor, which prompted me to freak out while scrambling around trying to find a way to get rid of the damn thing. That night, just happy that my house was certifiably "critterless," I went to bed without really even thinking about the little mouse fiasco. The next day, I was writing an e-mail about it to a friend of mine, and then it hit me - "I should be blogging this!"

I find this unsettling, because it took me no less than 12 hours to realize that a mouse on your kitchen floor is a blog moment. Unless, of course, Atarax On Line, you live out in the boonies, in which case I don't really care about the coons, varmints, critters, or goats that freeload off your country ass. Discount crestor No Rx, Anyway, while I think we can all agree that there are a zillion different ways to be a "good" blogger, I think there's a few steps everyone can take to increase the probability of seizing life's blog moments.

1. Carry a camera with you at all times!

You simply never know when something freakin PRICELESS is going to happen, but I can guarantee you that when it does, you won't have your camera with you. Oh, and what about your cell phone. I know you'll have that, you technically inclined, metrosexual bastard. Listen, I don't want to strain my neck and eyeballs trying to decipher what's going on in that grainy excuse for a pic that you took with your phone, and I don't think anyone else does either, Discount crestor No Rx.

I'll take a page from the boy scouts here (who I totally don't endorse) and pass the wisdom on to you: BE PREPARED. You'll thank me when you're driving to Starbucks one morning and you see a UPS truck and a FedEx truck sitting ass-to-ass behind the grocery store looking like surreptitious lovers. Oh, wait, that happened to me and I didn't get a pic...d'oh. People, remember your cameras, and seize the blog moment. Discount crestor No Rx, Plus, the children's book philosophy holds true in the blogosphere - pictures are better than words.

2, Cheapest geodon. Recognize life's little annoyances when they happen

Something small, seemingly insignificant, and totally annoying probably happens to you a few times a week, and yet you STILL haven't stepped up to the plate to blog about it. If it happens to you, then it's a pretty safe bet that it happens to a ton of others as well, and that's precisely why you ought to put this kind of event into words (or better yet, pictures!). I think this is tough to get the hang of, but when you do, you can crank out articles that really pull in the comments...and I KNOW you're a comment whore.

3, Discount crestor No Rx. Learn something excellent that made your life better?

It's a blog moment. Even if you think that no one will care or that it's insignificant, blog about it. I think the odds that some of your readers will appreciate it outweigh the odds that ALL of your readers will think that you've written a stupid post. Plus, you should keep in mind that not every article is going to be a smash hit. Discount crestor No Rx, First, that's not a very realistic perspective; and second, the filler articles will oftentimes give your readers a better idea of who you are and what makes you tick. I didn't conduct a study or anything, but something tells me that this is how you build a stable audience.

Keep in mind, too, Buying nexium, that one of the joys of blogging is the fact that even if you write something TERRIBLE, you can come right back with a great post that gets everyone's attention once again. Well, you won't get MY attention. One bad post and POW. Banned from my RSS reader, Discount crestor No Rx. Just kidding. Read on, but proceed with extreme paranoia.

4. Be consistent in your strongest areas

If you're passionate about celebrity camel toe, then you ought to be writing about that. Discount crestor No Rx, Moreover, if you choose to write about something like this (god help us), write about it consistently. By doing so, you'll establish yourself as one of the go-to resources for info on the topic. The informationally-overloaded section of the blogosphere, although large and growing, is by no means approaching market saturation, so that means there's plenty of room for your plebeian viewpoint - on damn near ANYTHING.

Golden rule here: if you're passionate about something, write about it. And for your sake, make sure you write about it frequently enough to establish some credibility. This isn't just your own personal blog moment; this is you bustin' out your inner blog, Discount crestor No Rx. You can thank me after some advertiser wants to rent out that pimple space on your blog's ass for $350 a month.

5, niaspan Prescription. Lists are hard, so I'm done with this one

Just remember - be on the lookout for your blog moments. Capitalize on 'em, and give me something good to read. Got it.

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Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery, More and more, consumer efficiency is becoming a big deal to me. In fact, I feel so strongly about this particular area that I'm thinking of dethroning Ralph Nader as the world's foremost consumer advocate (Ralph, you reading this. Nah, you're not - scrub). Seriously, though, I can't stand it when things are inefficient for customers, and I think this is an area that is often overlooked in many product-oriented business models.

Earlier this morning, I had the distinct displeasure of gassing up my car during a time span that happened to be especially windy. Combine that with the effects of wind ripping underneath the awning at a gas station, and you have an arctic mini-tornado, Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery. Now go pump your gas.

A Model of Inefficiency

So before I start bitching about my experience, I need to arm you with some knowledge about the gas stations that I frequent around town. First, I've actually committed to buying gas from Kroger, which is the largest grocery store chain in this part of the country. A few years back, they began selling gas, and because they offer a per-gallon discount with your Kroger Plus Card (a customer loyalty program), every Tom, actonel No Prescription, Dick, and Harry circles the block to save $1.20 while filling up their gas guzzling SUVs. Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery, Admittedly, I think this is borderline retarded, but I have the convenient excuse that my routine filling station is less than a mile from my house...and it's on the way to Starbucks ;-)

Today, however, I was in another, slightly more redneck part of town, and I was nearly out of gas. Honestly, I pulled into the filling station expecting everything to be just like my regular station, and as far as appearance was concerned, everything was nearly identical. I placed my Kroger Plus Card under the scanner - BEEP. Booyah, $0.06 off per gallon. After saving bookoo dollars, I went to pump my gas. CLICK, Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery. CLICK. CLICK. No gas. WTF. Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery, Finally, after realizing that I was a stubborn dumbass, the machine beeped at me to let me know that something was up. There, in large-pixel, overly digital letters was a phrase that makes me want to go homocidal on someone's ass:

Please pre pay or use your credit card.

Okay, okay, I should pay at the pump using a credit card, Nexium On Line, but since my retail businesses turn over cash every now and then, I just use the cash for gas whenever it's necessary. So, with the credit card option nixed, I was forced to pre pay.

People, pre paying for damn near anything IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. I'm an exacting kinda guy; I don't want to go hand the clerk $40 for $35.35 worth of gas. You know why, Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery. Because I have to make ONE trip over there just to give her $40, and then I have to make ANOTHER trip over there to get my dog gone change. This is so inefficient I could puke. Two trips. I mean, with "pay at the pump," you don't have to make ANY trips over to the little kiosk (I hate the kiosk). Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery, At my regular filling station, I don't have to pre pay, so at least I only have to make ONE lousy trip over there to do the obligatory transaction.

Like I said earlier, it was freezing outside, too. Running back and forth through the shearing winds, being treated like a potential gas thief, and dealing with inefficiency is a hideous combination that nearly makes me go postal.

How About a Solution?

If you can pay with cash at the U-Scan terminals inside the grocery stores, clomid Online Without Prescription, why can't you pay with cash at the gas pumps. It seems to me like there's equal security risks at both locations, so is there really a good reason why this feature hasn't been implemented. If I ran gas stations, I'd want this functionality, because I'd want my clerks having as little access to gas cash as possible, Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery. Seems to me that this would be especially helpful in an industry that suffers from slimming margins, rising prices, and employee turnover.

In fact, let's take this one step further. I think I could completely ERADICATE gas theft with one simple device that builds solely on existing technology. Here's how it works. Cheap celexa Overnight Delivery, First, we extend the functionality of existing gas pumps to accommodate cash in addition to credit/debit cards. For the sake of brevity, let's just say that the input mechanism for the cash mirrors that of your typical vending machine or U-Scan system. Second, modify the software on the pumps so that they require customers to pre pay with cash BEFORE pumping. This is the ULTIMATE step in this process, because this is where all potential theft is completely eliminated. Either the customer uses a credit card and you're guaranteed the funds, or else the customer pre pays with cash, once again guaranteeing your funds. After the customer pumps his or her gas, Buy zoloft, the pump spits out the difference between what was pre paid and what was actually pumped. Simple as that.

You know, it's remarkable that I'm not a millionaire yet. I guess I'm outta here for now - I've gotta go market this.

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Buying celebrex, I kinda had a lame weekend thanks to packing up one zillion outbound Ebay shipments. On Saturday night, I played poker with Charles for at least four hours and lost $20. The good news, however, is that I bet him $20 that Reggie Bush would win the Heisman. Genius took the bet, so I ended up breaking even on the night, at least as far as money goes. Where I didn’t break even, however, was on the health side of things. I stayed up way too late, and then I felt like crap all day yesterday, Buying celebrex.

As if that weren’t enough, yesterday was filled with minor annoyances that just don’t work too well when you feel all shitty on a weekend. The big news item of the day actually played out over the course of the entire day, and it was pretty much all Liddi B’s (one of my dogs) deal. Here goes…

In the morning, when I let the dogs out to pee, I noticed that B came running through the back yard with something in his mouth. Arava Pill, I was like, wtf, and when I went out to see what it was, I realized that he was carrying a FUCKING MOUSE. Buying celebrex, That’s right, little pink tail, little pink legs, and everything else that comes with the lil’ critters. The only good news (I guess) is that the mouse was dead. Of course, upon realizing what B was carrying, I freaked out, and he dropped it. We immediately went back in the house, and I was nothing if not slightly disturbed.

The problem, however, was the fact that I left the mouse out in the back yard. I didn’t want to pick the thing up, but I also knew that the next time I let the dogs out to piss, they’d be all over it, Buying celebrex. Because I refused to pick up the rodent, I was forced to stand guard over it the next few times we went out to piss, making absolutely sure the dogs couldn’t so much as sniff the lil bastard.

By 4:30, though, I was feeling like garbage and decided to lay down for a nap, Buying anexil. I slept for a couple of hours, and when I woke up, the boys were ready to pee. I was feeling all groggy, so I just let them out and stood by the door. Buying celebrex, Unfortunately, I had kinda forgotten about the mouse thanks to my nap, but right as they were about to finish up, I remembered it. I was thinking, “Oh crap. I hope they don’t bring that thing back in here.”

After a couple of minutes, the boys came back in. First Deuce, and then B came running after. To my pure and abject HORROR, B came barging in with the little rodent fucker IN HIS MOUTH. As soon as he crossed the door jamb, I freaked out, Buying celebrex. “AGHH!!. FUCK. NO, B, OH GROSS. Atopex Side Effects, GOD!” Of course, he promptly dropped the mouse right there on my kitchen floor, legs up in the air and totally rigor mortised. Buying celebrex, Now keep in mind, I’ve just woken up from a nap, and I’m still kinda half asleep – only now, I have a rodent on my kitchen floor. And I’m damn near in shock. I don’t like rodents, OK. Especially not on my effin floor.

Fortunately, my screaming rants drove the dogs out of the room, so now it was just me and the rodent. I frantically searched for anything to pick it up with, but I had to satisfy a few crucial criteria before I could actually pick it up:

  • The mouse picker-upper could NOT allow me to contact the squishy body in ANY way
  • I had to be able to throw EVERYTHING away after doing the deed

I finally found some of that useless advertisement mail that I casually bitch about, and I used an HP mailer and a post office mailer to form a nice little “no-contact” scoop, Buying celebrex. With the rodent in tow, I bee-lined it for the garbage can, and I quickly flopped the mouse in there, mailers and all. Unfortunately, the garbage can was almost totally full, so the rodent didn’t fall very far. What’s worse, he didn’t fall out of sight at all. In fact, Cheapest clozapine, he was sitting right there on top of all the trash, lying on his back like a $2 hooker, staring up at me with limbs all pointed out.

I slammed down the lid of the garbage can and shuddered as I shook off a cold chill. That was my weekend.

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