I’ve made a lot of poor decisions since I graduated college, and the only thing positive I can say at this point is that I now know exactly why those decisions were bad ones. I endured a lot of heartbreaking crap because I simply didn’t understand how to make the right choices for my future.
And while you may be reading this thinking you have all your ducks in a row, all I can say is that I feel you - I honestly do. All I’m asking today is that you listen to my story, because I think I can help you to make more positive decisions about your future.
First, my story
The most life-changing things I learned in college had absolutely nothing to with school, books, theorems, or companies. By far, the “stickiest” things that I learned - the things that still affect me the most - were a direct result of experiences gained through personal exploration. Specifically, I’m talking about:
1. Living in a new city
Throughout college, I was fortunate enough to live in and explore Atlanta, and I immediately embraced it as my own. No one guided me on that venture, and all the experiences I had there were uniquely mine. I loved the cosmopolitan yet southern flair of the city, the amazing architecture, its national profile, and all of the creative energy that it encompassed. I miss it so much because it filled me with such an overwhelming sense of possibility and hope for a better future.
2. Travel
In 2001, I spent the summer in Houston, TX, as an intern. For most of my time there, I was completely isolated because I had no friends in Texas. Although I remember being homesick and hating the fact that I was lonely, I actually have extremely fond memories of my time in Houston. I ended up spending most of my time golfing, and I learned a lot about myself.
First, I realized just how much I love the finite reality that is geography. I’m fascinated by the sense of mental connectedness that you can achieve by traveling to different places and putting them all together in a relative spatial context. Being in Houston really opened my eyes to that, and it’s been a major part of my life ever since.
The second, and probably most important, thing that I learned was that I could enter a completely unknown space with virtually no resources and really thrive. The only problem with this knowledge is that I just recently realized how powerful and potentially life-changing it really is. I look at it as the roots of my own entrepreneurial spirit, if you will.
3. Independence
Theoretically, college is a transitional time where you go from being almost totally dependent to being almost totally independent. I said theoretically. I know tons of people who graduated from college and got hit with the immediate and harsh reality of “Now what?” Some of those people, myself included, ended up regressing into the land of parental dependence once more.
Now that I look back on my time in college, it’s very clear that when I exercised my independence, I received the ultimate twofold benefit. First, I made myself happy. If that’s not enough, I also learned by creating new experiences. Through these experiences, I gained not only tangible knowledge, but also intangible knowledge about myself and about what I could do with my life to really be happy.
Putting it all together
Despite all of my revelatory experiences, I still failed to understand how to use my knowledge to make the best possible decisions about my career and my life’s direction. College kids get hit with a lot of noise around graduation time, and I was no exception. Here’s some of the noise that made my internal signals all the more unclear:
- Soon-to-be graduates all feel pressured to “get a job,” and things like company profile and starting salary become artificial measures of success. If you’re reading this, please understand that nothing could be less relevant.
- The entire setup stinks. Companies will only interview people who are set to graduate with a particular major, and so the kids have to worry about getting the “right” interview with the “right” company, all in hopes that they’ll obtain the myth that is a perfect job with the perfect company. It’s so stupid I could puke.
I fell victim to all the garbage I just listed, and I’m certain that much of it influenced my decision making. I went to the big career fairs that are so popular, and I followed the other sheep with regard to what I call the corporate pursuit.
Looking back, I remember not wanting to set up any interviews, and I also remember only reluctantly going to those career fairs. I felt as though I was being irresponsible if I didn’t go, and I never wanted to feel like I was throwing away some of the opportunities that college supposedly afforded me.
Although interviews and corporate jobs were considered the natural pre and post graduation processes, all I can say for sure is that I did not proactively choose to walk the path that I ended up taking. It was by no means what I wanted to do, and unfortunately, my decisions throughout this process ended up costing me a lot more than I care to elaborate on here.
On any scale, at any level, the principles behind your decision making should be the same. Factors like money and peer expectations, while always present, are nothing more than distractions. Based on your life’s experiences, only you know what will ultimately make you happy.
I made my initial career decisions based on money and peer expectations, and I forfeited many of the things that mattered most to me. I got knocked off the fulfilling track of independent exploration, and this also cost me some of the best sources of inspiration in my life (my city, my travels, and my freedom).
The bottom line
I can’t tell you how many decisions in my life have been guided by pragmatism and finances, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been bitten in the ass as a result of these decisions. I didn’t have the balls to stay in Atlanta after college because I didn’t want to rent an apartment. I thought renting was stupid because you basically end up pissing away all that money, and that’s just not smart. Right?
Wait a minute…Is it smarter to compromise your happiness and not follow the direction that you want your life to take, all in the name of pragmatism? You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize that all the people in my life who offer “practical advice” are not nearly as happy or as free as I hope to be someday.
Sometimes I want to slap myself for not being blissfully ignorant.
Anyway, I’m done making decisions based on the wrong criteria, and after reading all this, I hope you are, too.
The next time you’re faced with a big decision in life, look no further than yourself and your past for guidance. As long as you never let a decision cost you something that is uniquely you, you will always make the right decision. Screw money - it’s not you. If a decision costs you money (or possessions, or whatever), you’ll get over it. However, if it costs you something that you love, you’ll be like me and wake up one morning wishing that you hadn’t made such critical mistakes.
Don’t worry about me, though. I’m doing just fine now 
36 Comments ↓
Awesome entry, Chris. I’m a sophomore in college right now, halfway across the country from my home. I latched on to independence (refused to come home after my first year, still here doing research for the summer!).
Thanks for the insight
Brilliant post. In the words from a great high school movie:
“right on, right on, right on”
It’s a shame how the conventional wisdom is still engrained in today’s young generation (that would include me of course). It is difficult to overcome but we need to work it out somehow..
Chris,
This is an excellent post in more ways then one. First, I can relate to it. Being a mechanical engineering major myself, I see the things that my classmates put themselves through to get interviews. I did the same thing to get my current job. Let me tell you what, I absolutely abhor the corporate cultures. It’s ridiculous politics, paperwork, and a meaningless life. Even if you do something great, you won’t get the rewards out of it for long.
Second, I’m also in a foreign city for an internship. Good ol’ Louisville, KY. It couldn’t be more different from where I grew up in Gary, IN. I’m kind of a loner, so I’ve been experiencing this pretty much on my own.
As I go forward, I’ve kind of been inspired by your posts here and your about page. I’ve also met a lot of people through the internet who are successful doing the things that they love, and I can only hope that I end up the same way.
Once again, great post, and thanks or putting it up.
-Nick
Chris, excellent post. Really hits home, as I am currently a Junior down at Mercer U. in Macon (you know, that little town South-East of Atlanta) and contemplating things like jobs, travel, and grad school.
Great tips.. thanks for the insight.
Matthew
Wonderful advice — like many of the commenter’s above, I’m also in college (though I’m just going in as a freshman at a JC; majoring in computer science).
More people need to hear advice like this. Thanks for the insight.
Chris, if you’re realizing this now, at this age (whatever that is exactly, but I assume you’re still pretty young) then you’re at least 10 steps ahead of the game. Realizing it when you’re 40, with a wife, kids, house, etc. that depend on you is a bit more problematic.
The thing is, people change over the years, and that’s something to consider. The passions of your mid-twenties may morph into something very different as you move through life. That’s when you realize that mistakes (unless they’re catastrophic) aren’t as “critical” as your response to them, and that if you’re willing to pick yourself up and move forward then you will not have “lost” anything, you’ll just be that much more confident in your new direction.
I guess what I really mean to say is that what seem like mistakes now may just be changes in your outlook/needs/desires, or maybe valuable re-affirmations of them. Move on with that knowledge and don’t waste time beating yourself up.
Great post. Good luck.
Everyone learns from mistakes. This is the most important thing! If you can learn something from an experience next time you will do your best.
The thing they never mention in high school is that if you kick ass at what you do no one ever asks about a college diploma.
College is fun. When I graduate it will be a big accomplishment, it will prove to me and other that when I set out to do something I do it well and I finish it, but I don’t think my degree is what is going to land me a job…
Hey,
I’ve been reading your blog on and off for a little while now, and I must say….I’ve been waiting to read something like this for a long time.
It inspired me to quit my awful degree in business administration and law and persue my dream of becoming a certified and qualified graphic artist….something I love deeply.
Thanks for the step in the right direction and the big wake up call.
Much Appreciated,
Anthony
I forgot to mention:
I’m 19, I start studying at the art institute in mid October.
I cannot wait to get started!
Way to go, you just turned Anthony Bullock from a potentially prosperous executive or lawyer into another poor and desperate graphic designer. Essentially he will be chum for the rest of the already bloated and over-hyped industry.
Of course, I’m only half kidding.
This kind of idealism is a double edged sword. It’s great to go with your gut when it works, but when it’s the 5th of the month and rent is due, idealism is far too lazy to get up and pay the piper.
My advice - parallel careers. As a screenwriter living in Hollywood, my chances of being produced are infinitely more slim than Anthony’s chances of becoming a designer. Luckily, I support my artistic aspirations with more down to earth practical and technical expertise.
I think that’s the new dynamic for artists. Gone are the starving artists and bohemian dirtbags of the past. An artist in today’s world knows the value of financial solvency and a good night’s sleep…
Chrys,
I hope that my readers find more success than merely making ends meet on a month-to-month basis. Taking that leap of faith (in the face of pragmatism) is oftentimes the only way to truly get started on the route to both personal and financial freedom.
Good luck to Anthony, and also to you as you pursue your screenwriting career!
In my very twisted opinion, here’s how it goes:
How many people out there can say they do a job that they love?
In turn
How many people out there have professional qualifications?
In further words
How many people out there have professional qualifications in what they love, and work a job they love too?
See my logic? Twisted
Anthony,
I’m hoping to end up with professional qualifications that will lead to a job in a field I love. That’s why I switched from mechanical engineering (good at it, but it’s not exciting enough) to computer science (quick learner and growing field.)
Hopefully I’ll be one of the lucky few that gets paid for doing stuff they enjoy
-Nick
Excellent post on the crap the majority of us feed into after we go through the freedom of exploration in college. I went a step further, and moved to another new city upon graduation, where I didn’t know a soul and was a good 800 miles away from anything familiar.
That and the insects in the south (compared to north of Boston, where I went to school) are HUGE.
What’s funny, though, is I actually turned down a corporate position in favor for a smaller firm because:
I would get more hands-on experience and answer to less people
The starting salary would allow me to afford my own apartment, and the occassional dinner of Mac and Cheese
What’s funny is, now that it’s been a year and I’m settled in to life in my new city, I found I feel much happier and far more successful by the fact that I continued my exploration that we all begin in college, and didn’t try to sprint to the top before my time.
Again, excellent, very relatable post!
I know what you mean, Chris, about how a new city can open up your world.
Here in the Philippines, the best schools are in the capital (Metro Manila), where I grew up.
Thus, it was devastating to be kicked out of a prestigious university. But for some reason, I decided to continue my studies in the province.
And even though the quality of college education honestly wasn’t that great, I’m eternally grateful to fate for making me fail. Living in Naga City has provided me with insight and perspectives that I would’ve never learned if I stayed in Manila.
Even better, I discovered a true passion, Graphic Design, while I was studying there.
Thank you for the great post.
Great piece. A goldmine of lessons for all college students out there. Of course, I’d be an idiot if I were to swallow everything you wrote here, but I must say, they’ll prove useful to me someday. Great story.
Thanks for a wonderful entry. I just got out of college this year and your entry caused me to think more about what I want to do to make myself happier. You have definitely inspired me.
My thoughts exactly. Do only what you enjoy doing, and you’ll be fine.
Btw, renting an apartment is only viable, when you have a job to back it up and have something left to live on.
I really like the post. I know exactly what you mean by the “corporate pursuit”. In fact I’m there right now. My main goal in life is to find a way out like you have.
Tks so much for this advice. I have relocated from Central Australia to North Qld to complete an education degree (I am 50). I have taught Aboriginal children from remote Australia for 5 years in a tutorial role with excellent pay and security during school terms but needed to complete my degree to be employed fulltime ensuring holidays and sickpay.
I relocated mostly to be near my son who had a very difficult year. This has been the most unhappy year. All students here 18 (no older students living on campus - in the Northern Territory many living on campus). No work security and pay less than previously earned. Studywise lecturers great but the loneliness of being an older student here and on campus has been horrific.
I am sitting here considering my longterm goals as opposed to my current situation and have to decide within 7 days to stay and complete my degree here or spend considerable money to return to the Northern Territory. I was thinking about my decision making in the past and at times traded in the long term picture to meet an emotional need so I am trying to take emotions out of the picture but happiness is fundamental to success. This applies to whole life issues. I am proud of your courage and determination to find your way and eventual success.
God Bless You.
Shirleen.
That was the most inspiration I think I could have ever asked for in a long time, and it’s coming from a complete stranger. No offence. I was blown away by the experiences you once went through, and it is so close to what I am going through as of now. The worries of money have made me deppressed, not only that but I’ve asked myself where am i going in life, who am i really as a person, who are my true friends? I really liked the part about money, “Screw money - it’s not you,” yep I loved it! Money controls so many people and has been controling me for years, its time to change all of that, and move on. Life is more important to take on, I know i’m going to be huge in this word, because i have drive and ambition, I’m out there on my on, and it doesn’t always feel all that great; however, how else am i going to figure things out, I cant have someone controling my life.
It is really hard to seek out really good advice, unless one has went through the experiences. I know that I really can’t talk to my peers, because they never experienced the college life, and all of the changes of conforming, it was all about work work work! Talking to some friends is hard, because they are going through the same things, and others can give their opinion, but it isn’t going to complete me, I have to be content with myself and what i want out of life.
WOW! you have made me think twice, about an upcoming decision of moving back home or staying with my roomate, to learn more about college life. I feel its the easy way out to move back home, i need to stop running from my problems, and take a handle on my life.
thanks so much..there is a lot i’m thinking about and you have steered me in the right direction.
H
Very cool message. It increased my confidence in my first big life/career decesion that I made earlier today. I especially like that you added peer expectations along with money. In my case that was also something I had to get over to make the decesion. The peers in my case were the people I work with.
Thanks so much,
Brent
I really like the post. Thank you so much for the advice. You have made me think twice and carefully to consider on moving on with my study (I’m currently on my 3rd year of Telecommunication Engineering) or landing myself into a non-engineering job( I love the working society). Having a problem with money to further my study and at the same time I am finding myself struggling just to finish it up for the sake of a piece of certified degree.
I really hope to end up with professional qualifications that will lead to a job in a field I love.
-Jill
Hi, The design of this site is really awesome.
I’m loving the life of living truthfully - it’s so the way to live, for many reasons.
What do you care what other people think?
- Feynman
hey folks
the question here might be whether one is afraid to show who he is?
take a girl that likes literature, languages and arts and further more there is a new school in town bout film making and she really likes to become a director…and her parents allow her!!!
well, there goes the question, if she does not succeed and feel a great lack of money one day?
on the other hand, she is good at maths too, so she could study computer sciences. Family would be proud of her. She would be proud of herself when saying she’d became a computer technician.
but, thats not her.
she is an art and literature girl.
she shouldn’t be afraid to show to people and family and TO HERSELF that she is not a “maths girl”
While I agree that we shouldn’t follow money alone…it is definitely part of life. However, if we are to follow our passions and actually WORK, there’s a good chance that money will follow. BTW, I live just outside Houston. It is actually a very nice city.
Hi Chris, there’s really only 1 way i can put this into words it self, spectacular entry. I am a freshman at college at the moment, and just like yourself, I, myself was bewildered about where my life is going. Your entry ” How to make the right decision”, has provided me with an astonishing view of life it self. “Based on your life’s experiences, only you know what will ultimately make you happy” is an amazing way to put many aspects into a single line and I’m more than happy to say, you have inspired me.
p.s. “trust” me, it’s not easy to inspire me. But u did a great job.
-Shoaib
Hi Chris
Well I’m a mature student, studying a degree that will eventually get me a job. After spending nearly three years in Manchester I am struggling and counting down the days I leave this place.
New city is great, but I think what makes a city is the people you meet. I too have chosen the wrong career path, and after 30years I now know what I would like to do - I didn’t choose it because I chose an easier path. This meant I lost lots, love and friendship of others.
Trust your instincts and when an opportunity arises that feels right take it! Even if I spent a year doing what I wanted and failed it would of been ok, but spending three years on this awful awful degree has been a nightmare. I have learn’t lots about myself and the rip-off education system. I’m not an academic or bright and at long last I’m happy to say that, I don’t wanna be. Just want to be happy and content and never ever feel like this again.
Pauline
UK
“things like company profile and starting salary become artificial measures of success. If you’re reading this, please understand that nothing could be less relevant”
very interesting. I’m a senior software engineer with 10 years of experience and this still rings true. But actually for your resume company profile does look good, and salary will pay off your debt. Hmm….
Great Story!!!
I’m sure that your story about failures and success that most people meet in their life. Until now, I actually cannot know which my decisions are right and which my decisions are wrong. According to me, almost all of my decisions are wrong, but many other peoples, my friends, my relatives tell me that I make great success compare to others in my ages. However, I never satisfy with my life. Making a decision always heads me up. Maybe I’m from Asia, we’re different from culture. I don’t know how to explain. The wrong decisions really make me frustrated. I am going to try this way of thinking. I know that it just make me get more failures.
I want to start of by saying I recently came across your blog and I love it. Your writing is wonderful. This post hits home very well. I’m in a similar situation right now. It’s always great to hear that I’m not the only one that doesn’t want to climb the corporate latter.
I love that line btw. It perfectly suits your story. I couldn’t have worded it better myself. Anyway, no need for me to write a story. I look forward to (getting to you know you through your posts) reading your blog. It will keep me sane as I wilt away (@ cruise.com)
Samantha
Very well put. I enjoyed reading it.
Chris, reading this was like complete deja-vu for me. This lesson is one that I’ve been learning the hard way since graduating college and following the ‘practical’ path (I’m 23 now). Just like you, I had that moment where I realized all of the people who were giving me the practical advice were not anything like me, and the people who were telling me to follow my heart and put happiness first were the people who were also doing that, and who were happy doing it!
I try not to look toward past ‘mistakes’ as mistakes, but as important experiences that were essential in learning who I am and realizing what’s truly important. If that hadn’t happened, I think maybe the things that I’m really good at and love to do (art, music and theater) would have resided as hobbies and would have continued to have gone for granted.
When I read your post it really hit home and I just wanted to let you know it’s helped me to feel better. I’m planning to go back to school for a second degree in music next fall and as hard as it is to throw caution to the wind and swallow a mountain of potential debt, I think it will be worth it because I’ll be true to myself.
People get caught up in the logical path instead of the passionate path, but I realized something very important over the past couple of years - logical and practical stand for what makes the most sense, right? Well, music makes the most sense to me. So I think I’m going to be logical by following my heart, and I think everyone else should be too! Life is too short to waste all that awesome potential we have inside us hurting our backs in cubicles.
I needed that. Thank You!
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